Suicide series (4 poems)

Poetry written afterwards 👇

Suicide 

I know what it feels like to want to die, 

I have been there before myself, 

But when I tried to commit suicide, 

Thank God my attempt failed, 

Since then I've had a reason to live, 

My reason is my three beautiful kids,

No matter how bad my life now gets, 

I'll hang on, because of them, with no regrets, 

It's easy to slip into depression & want to die, 

But we all need a reason to stay alive, 

Cause God put us on this earth for a reason, 

We can't decide when our death is in season, 

To decide to live is to look beyond yourself, 

To realize your life affects everyone else, 

God has a plan for us all in life, 

Yes, even when we are supposed to die, 

As with everything else God gives us free will,

God also said "thou shall not kill,

I believe that includes others and self,

And God puts in our lives those who will help,

Everyone you meet is not merely by chance,

So don't judge anyone just by the first glance,

We all have a purpose that affects someone else

Reason enough not to think about just yourself, 

The road to heaven is not an easy one to drive,

But it is surely not paved with suicides,

We need to be strong & have just a bit of faith,

Let God be in charge while you run this race,

You will be rewarded down the road one day, 

When you make it to heaven & hear God say,

"Well done my child" as he opens his arms,

You will have peace & joy & be free from harm, 

A peace we will not know while in this place, 

A joy we can only know when we see his face,

There's not a good enough reason you can give Jesus Christ,

(Who died to save you,)

for your suicide

(Written 9-10-01)

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Only you know why

Only you know why you did what you did, 

Your true feelings of depression you cleverly hid,

I feel so betrayed and rejected too,

Five weeks from your death I was to marry you

You ruined my wedding, my life & my love,

Your death should have been decided by God above,

It was not your choice to make but you did anyway,

Causing me pain to last forever & a day,

I know I'll never understand why,

There's no acceptable reason for suicide,

You shouldn't have done it & left me alone,

I wish my love could have kept you alive & brought you home,

You promised to never leave me & always be there,

But with what you did I feel you didn't care, 

You have hurt me so badly, I can't ever express

My heart is so crushed & my emotions a mess,

How could you have laid there & let yourself die

When you promised to marry me & share my life, 

How selfish you are to have done this thing, 

Do you know I'm wearing your wedding ring?

I look at it & think of what we could have had, 

And how much you've hurt me & made me mad

(Written after my Cory's suicide 5-13-2001)

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Your Birthday 

Today is your birthday but you can't celebrate with me, 

I miss you so much I wish you were alive & here to see,

The fun we could have had, the laughs we could have shared,

I hope now at least your spirit knows I really cared, 

I'm still mad at you for leaving me & dying the way you did,

I still cry at times & feel bad but usually keep it hid, 

I will visit your grave today in honor of your birth, 

You really were the greatest man I knew on earth,

Our wedding would have been so perfect I know,  

And the love we shared would have surely grown,

It hurts so much that you killed yourself,  

Why couldn't you come to me for help,

I'm so glad you came into my life,  

I wish you would've lived long enough to let me become your wife,

You showed me what true love is all about, 

No one else will ever compare to you without a doubt, 

I keep saying I  wish, I could have,  I should have done, 

But that won't bring you back from the place you've gone, 

So until we meet again in that heavenly place, 

Forever in my heart & my mind will be your face.

(Written 9-30-2001)

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Time Will Tell

Only time will tell what will become of me now

I'm not sure I even really know how

To move on in life and be who I was

I can't say why, only just because 

I will achieve my goals & become a nurse

A plan laid out and mentally rehearsed

I wish Cory could have been here to share in my joy, 

I can see his face in my mind as he says "oh boy"

He was so corny in a cute kind of way

I will never forget you, you're with me everyday. 

(Written Aug. 2001)